Board Shorts Tan

by Bryan
(Portland, OR, USA)

I slipped on a comfortable pair of rip curl board shorts, and prepared to head to the docks. The sun was out in full force and had already started to crisp me nicely.


I applied one layer of sunscreen before jumping in my buddy’s boat. As we motored away from the shore, sun glinted off the water and I knew it would be a good day.

He was up first, and I started towing him at a decent speed, but quickly moved up to around 30 miles per hour. Attempting to back flip off the wake, he landed on his face with a large splash, tossing water high into the air.

After this happened twice more, he turned the wake board over to me. My board shorts felt like a dream against my skin, and I was quickly pulling off back flips and reaching massive air.

Upon cresting the wake with more speed than I had anticipated, I found myself off balance and in trouble. Landing with a large crash, my board shorts were practically ripped off.

This harsh landing must have stripped me of sunscreen because 3 hours later, I had acquired an embarrassingly vibrant shorts tan. Of course this was only apparent when my date that night pointed it out when we went swimming.

The moral is you don’t get girls unless you apply a second or third coat. Believe me, the sun can be the biggest downer, especially if you’re trying to get a girl. Burned thighs and a bad date aren’t worth a couple hours in the sun.

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